How to Survive a Photo Session With Your Young Children.
Imagine this: you are 20 minutes into your first family photo session in years. The season and conditions are perfect. There is a nice soft breeze in the air, the sun is just hugging the horizon bathing the landscape in a gorgeous yellow hue, and you are excited to see that the Tide pen really did get that huge marker stain out of your youngest’s shirt. Yet amidst all the joy and excitement there is a dark cloud looming over you… it’s your middle child, the one who you normally can’t pry away from the camera. Yet today, the day where it really actually matters, they have decided they don’t want to smile. Not just this, but the mere suggestion of smiling causes them to shift into a rampage of tears and destruction. If you are reading this, nodding your head in painful commiseration, rest assured you are not alone. If I am being completely honest, I was that middle child who refused to smile on demand, and I am now getting my just-desserts as my middle child has not fallen far from the tree.
I bet you will never guess which one is my middle child…
(taken in October 2022)
I wish I could promise you that, in this article, I will disclose to you the secret way to get your children to behave for you in all settings. Unfortunately, I have yet to find that secret. If you have it, please send me the info here, it will make my life a lot easier! For now, I will settle with giving you some tips and tricks that will hopefully help you get the most out of your photo sessions, even if one of your children is determined to ensure you don’t get a single print-worthy picture out of the entire session.
Tip #1: Do not schedule a session for a time that will take your children out of a standard routine, especially if it involves missing a meal time or nap time.
A photo session requires a lot of concentration and puts a lot of pressure on children, especially young children. They can tell it’s important to their parents, but they don’t understand why. This pressure and confusion (not to mention all the special attention they are getting as you and the photographer are trying to get them to smile) is enough to make anyone uncomfortable and act in unpredictable ways. If you add a break in routine or a delay in dinner to the mix, you have set yourself up for disaster. As a photographer, I am always going to be suggesting we try to get pictures during golden hour (within an hour of sunset or sunrise). This is when the light is softest and you can get some amazing photos; however, all will be for naught if little Charlie is too focused on the chicken nuggets and BBQ sauce he would normally be eating at that moment and is unable to conjure up a smile. Prioritize scheduling pictures at a time when your daily schedule is the most flexible and your children will be familiar with doing out-of-the-ordinary activities.
Tip #2: Let your children bring their favorite toys with them to the session.
I get it, the last thing you want to do while you are in a photo session is keep track of Lightning McQueen and Elsa or a backpack full of miniature dinosaurs, but I recommend you do it anyway. Imagine if someone brought you to an event you really didn’t care to be at and made you interact with someone you didn’t know and then they said, “by the way, you can’t bring your cellphone”. Then, to top it all off, they expected you to look like you were happy to be there… good luck with that. Letting your children have some toys with them gives them the ability to “unwind” a bit during the session and relax with something that is fun and comfortable to them. I find this typically opens up space to get some couple’s pictures of the parents while the children are occupied with their toys, it is an everyone wins scenario. One final benefit of this is it allows for your photographer to get some candid photos of your children with things that are important to them, at that time in their life. I like to offer children the chance to take pictures with my camera of their favorite toy to help them feel like they have some level of control over the session.
Tip #3: Hype up the photo session with them in the week prior.
Children feed off things that excite you. Think about the things you have done for your children in the past such as vacations, movies, or other fun events. What is the first thing that you do? You’re going to hype them up for it and tell them about how fun and exciting it is going to be. That being said, the worst thing you can do is hype them up in a way the photo session will never live up to. I will break this tip down into a few “dos and don’ts”.
First, the dos:
Do make sure you plan a location that will be interesting for your children.
Do tell your children about some of the cool things they will get to do or see at the location. If it is somewhere they have been before, remind them of how much fun they have had there, in the past.
Do only talk positively about the photo session when you are around your children (this one is extremely important!). If you are a bit stressed about getting everything coordinated, try not to impose that stress on your children. If they begin to think a photo session is stressful, they will have a hard time enjoying it.
Do talk to your children about why you want family pictures. Make sure that you explain it to them in their terms. This can be as simple as “Grandma loves getting pictures of you”, or “we are going to have a puzzle made with your picture on it!” Something simple will suffice, but giving them a reason provides context for them. Avoid trying to explain to them how “you’ll be happy you have nice pictures once you're older”. If you have young children, this means nothing to them.
The Don’ts:
Don’t wait until the last minute to leave for the photo session and create stress on the way out the door. One way you can alleviate this is plan and prep your family to leave 10-15 minutes before you actually need to leave. That way, as last minute “I need to go potty” and “I forgot batman!”’s happen, you don’t have to worry about arriving late.
Don’t talk negatively about the photo session in front of your children. Yes, I realize this is redundant, but it is that important. If your children get the slightest impression that you are not interested in the photo session, they are certainly not going to have an interest in it (after all, you’re the one dragging them to it!)
Don’t tell your children how they will get to run around and play the whole time. If you want them to behave in the photo session, they need to have a reasonable understanding of what will be expected of them. That being said, you don’t have to make it sound boring, either. A happy medium is more along the lines of letting them know there will be a few pictures where you would like them to sit and there will also be some time to run around.
Tip #4: Bribe your children.
Thats right, I said it, bribe them. Now, if you are like me, when you first read this tip, you were repulsed. In fact, I struggled to type the words, myself. Your first thought may have been “I don’t negotiate with terrorists”. Although I respect your foreign policy, I do not advise that be your photo session policy. Listen, children need goals or something to focus on that will pay immediate dividends. If you tell them, “In a few weeks we will have a few nice pictures to hang in your room,” the likelihood that it will keep them interested in a photo session is inversely proportional to their age. However, if you promise to grab them some ice cream after the session if they behave, well now that’s one intriguing offer. Personally, I bribe children during photo sessions with the ability to see their pictures after I take them if they smile big for the picture. Usually, this yields excellent results, because the child now has a reason to be participating in the picture. That being said, if you do bribe your child and they are not behaving well, I highly advise you do not inform them that they will not be receiving the treat due to bad behavior… in the middle of the session. That is the number one way to lose all chances of having decent family pictures with that child.
Tip #5 Set your expectations to capture your family in its current stage of life.
Your children will grow faster than you are prepared to emotionally handle. Each stage brings its own challenges and its own excitement. If you go into a photo session with young children, the likelihood of you getting that “perfect family picture” that can be brush glossed and hung over your mantle place may not be all that high. Rather than setting your mind on needing the one photo to rule them all and over the mantle bind them, enjoy the character of the candid shots you will get of your kids being themselves. I have found the absolute best pictures that come out of a photo session are the ones where the parents just enjoy letting their children be themselves. These pictures look so natural, and you can practically see the love gleaming from both the children and the parents. Unfortunately, if you are to set on getting the perfect family portrait, you may find yourself unable to relax enough to allow these gems to happen. Ask anyone with fully grown children and they will likely tell you: you will be far more in love with the pictures of your children being themselves than with staged family portraits once you have an “empty nest”.
When there was a little bit of an “incident” involving getting into the snack bag, Andrew’s parents did an excellent job of seeing the humor in the event and turning it into a great photo opportunity.
(taken in Spring, 2023)
Conclusion
I sincerely hope this article has helped you prepare for your upcoming photo session or given you peace about scheduling one. A photo session really should be an enjoyable experience for everyone involved, not an hour of forced smiles and stern glances. I make it my mission to conduct family photo sessions in a way that allows children to run around and enjoy themselves as rewards for sitting still for 20 seconds while we take a family portrait here or there. I have also tailored my family photo sessions to accommodate families with children in all stages of maturity. If you are interested in checking out some of these packages, or booking a session, you can find them here. If you liked this article, have questions, or would like to share any of your personal experiences, feel free to contact me here. I genuinely enjoy hearing from you all!
